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For some background, The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, is a book that follows the ACT method. The tagline is "A guide to ACT: the mindfulness-based program for reducing stress, overcoming fear, and creating a rich and meaningful life". It comes off like a hoax or a lame get rich quick guide, but lets move past that and get into it.The ACT acronym in this case stands for: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This is a form of counseling and a branch of clinical behavior analysis. Learning about this method was significant to me because I feel I have been practicing a form of this in my life. It was positive for me to see this as a more coherent and tangible resource I could share with others, rather than fumbling through my thoughts for an explanation.
I like that The Happiness Trap focuses on self awareness and acceptance. There is a constant reminder to acknowledge and accept our feelings and emotions. Not to change, reject, overcome, or shame them, but to accept. Being able to take our feelings as they are, emotional responses, and to take control and ownership of our actions is empowering and challenging. Taking the time to observe how our body and mind react, to breath,provide space, allow the sensation and feeling to be there. These concepts have helped me to grow and become more comfortable with myself and my thoughts.
The author discusses how to view our interactions with others. We can feel trapped or overwhelmed by friends or family that are constantly negative or toxic in our lives. The focus isn't to manipulate or control them, but to focus on what we can do. A reminder that staying true to our values and asking for the respect or space we need can help create a more positive experience. The author reminds us that being helpful, loving and supportive to others doesn't mean subjecting ourselves to abuse. While it may seem like an obvious statement, I find the reminder helps me assess my connections honestly, rather than providing excuses for others.
Overall The Happiness Trap helps to acknowledge not only our feelings and experiences, but the feelings and experiences of others. I feel this allows those around us to feel heard and validated. It doesn't state that certain feelings are right or wrong, but acknowledges them. This can help us move forward or dive into the underlying fears with less resistance or defense.
Half way through the book they take time to explain that ACT is a tool that helps to accept the pain that inevitably comes with living. The author makes a point to distance from religion or religious like practices. I feel they set fairly good ground work and really push to adjust perspective and perception of our emotions. The intention isn't to create a cult or law, but to remind us that these are guidelines and that we will struggle. Some concepts and exercises will work for you, others will not, use what works. There isn't a definitive end to our journey of growth, keep moving forward, and know that sometimes you will fall back.
Something that stood out to me was the author breaking the fourth wall several times. It is almost humorous and feels cheesy, but it provides a reminder to take the time to try and experience the exercises. This also acknowledges that the aversion to trying them is common and expected. This book wasn't designed to speed read or skim for highlights. It attempts to provide some practical application to really get you into a space with less stress, fear, and more meaning.
Overall I found the book to be a positive influence on my brain. There were some sections and stories that I reacted with a cringe or a sigh, but I found the message and concepts in this book refreshing and empowering. Finding "happiness" or striving to "be happy" is not a goal I have. Identifying and living by my values sounds a lot better.
"True success is living by your values"
