Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Relationship Anarchy

My initial approach to polyamory was as a fluid relationship style, which is defined by those who are involved. Each member has a say into what becomes of the connections within the relationships.

As polyamory picks up around us expectations and definitions are created. I struggle with these and feel telling someone "I'm polyamorous" is no longer opening a conversation, but a series of expectations and assumptions.

Through this struggle I found Relationship Anarchy. It is something I am still learning about. But I feel as if I connect with it. It speaks to me and how I connect with people and relationships more than monogamy or polyamory.

So what is it?

Relationship anarchy (abbreviated RA) is the practice of forming relationships that are not bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree on. ... The term relationship anarchy was coined by Andie Nordgren, and is the topic of Swedish bachelor theses by Jacob Strandell and Ida Midnattssol.

I feel that has some elements of non-hierarchical polyamory, but it still in its essence is something different. I feel that those I find as friends hold a special place to me. People that I support, love, and appreciate. I find difficulty in setting a status or a ranking for anyone. I have some friends which I share more experiences with which in turn makes me feel more connected. But I struggle with titles. I don't feel that girlfriend, best friend, lover, partner, companion, or any title that I know can express the importance of each person. So for now, I settle with friend. Unable to clearly explain.

I do my best to approach each connection as something to grow without a set path or expectation. I want to give and be given the freedom to explore and nurture whatever comes. There feels like such a strong pull towards a "relationship escalator" that it is easy to lose focus or lose a friend during the ride.

I'm still struggling to understand and to learn. I want to be able to know and to share my views and feelings clearly, but that is still a work in progress.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Training Complete : PAX East

I made it to PAX East! Training is complete, I didn't get both costumes sorted out before the weekend, but I'm happy with how Knockout Lee Sin turned out! Thanks to GrrzMoore for sending the outfit, and my friend Lydia for some last moment alterations to get everything to fit!

So I'm still collecting photos of the the weekend. Personally I didn't take very many pictures. With the massive quantity of people, it felt like PAX was more about walking around and gaming rather than stopping people for pictures. I did get a few compliments which was encouraging.

I've posted the photos I have so far, but I hope to get some from my friend Dave who went to the event with me. He has been very supportive and provided much encouragement and insight while I was training. If you are interested in my pre-PAX mindset and goals [Check This Link Out], it was very much a challenge but I'm happy with the results. I intend on keeping up with the gym, just not 6 days a week. I'm hoping I retain my shape for a least a few months!

Now to provide some details into the end of training program! By cosplay day (March 10th) I had been tracking my meals and exercising for 103 days (with MyFitnessPal). Training 5-6 days a week with 2 push days, 2 pull days, and 2 core/cardio days. I tried to eat at least 2,200 calories a day and reduced my sodium the last month as well as carb cycling. Which I would not recommend to anyone for any longer than 4 weeks.

I had one cheat day, which was recommend to me by my trainer, to reset my body in a sense, there is an importance around cheat meals which I do not understand, and they depend on your overall goals. But I'm not a doctor. I can see how it can at least help the mental strain of eating clean for so long. With all of my dietary restrictions I found it difficult to grab any easy cheat meals, which works to my advantage in a way.

My body fat went from 19% on December 21st, 2016 to 9% on March 8th, 2017 (measured with a skin-fold caliper). I think a 10% cut in 3 months is pretty great! My weight started at 157 and ended up at 144. I managed to lose body fat while gaining muscle overall. Which, from what I've read and have heard, is one of the hardest things to do! It was a struggle the last month to maintain weight, my trainer and I were worried that if I lost any more weight I would lose muscle, which would make me look scrawny and unhealthy.

I hope to take my cosplay to DreamHack Austin (end of April 2017) as well as Colossalcon (June 2017). I'll see how well it can happen, if anything I think I could kick up my training for a month to tone up before each event. It was quite the mental and social drain, which I feel I can do but will need some time to recuperate before I subject myself to that again.

Overall PAX East was a great experience. I think I will attend another in the future, I'm not sure that I would cosplay for the event again, anime conventions are definitely more geared to the cosplay crowd.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Cosplay Challenge

Hello! I have decided a few things. First that I'll be attending quite a few gaming related events this year, its possible I'll be attending more gaming than dancing in 2017 the first event being Penny-Arcade Expo: East (PAX East). The last time I went was 2012! So its been about five years. The photo is from the free "Curse Gaming" party, which was hilarious. Open bar, hamburger sliders, french fries, and music with a bunch of nerds that couldn't dance. I was big into ballroom and swing at the time, so I was trying to unsuccessfully show off some moves.

This year however I'm heading back and I am getting myself ready to cosplay a couple characters!
  1. Knockout Lee Sin (League of Legends)
  2. Adult Aang (The Legend of Korra)
Initially I thought I would make myself a costume, but I sorted out rather quickly that I have no idea what I'm doing and would most likely end up with a few cardboard boxes on my head. So I've commissioned someone else to do it for me! GrrzMoore Cosplay has agreed to make the costumes to my measurements! So with that in place I'm focusing on getting the body for the event, I'm trying to get cosplay fit!

The primary reasons I decided on these characters, I enjoy the material they are in, they are bald, and have facial hair! All good things for me and the look I go for in my day to day life.

My journey started December 6th, I've been tracking calories on MyFitnessPal, tracking my body fat percentage using a skin-fold caliper and calculations from ScoobysWorkshop, and just started working with a personal trainer from EFS Personal Training (if you try them out tell them Moses sent you). I've been rather serious about getting fit! I decided to jump on personal training because I was getting to a plateau in my training and my employer offers a discount with this company, so it seemed like a great time to jump on!

This next section is a lot of numbers ... which has been the focus of the last month for me, I hope it isn't too painful to read through!

My first measurement of body fat on 12/21/2016 put me around 19.8%, in order to see abs (which is one of my goals) I need to get my body fat somewhere between 6-12%. It is a pretty wide range that depends on body type and the muscles underneath. However anything ab related comes down to diet and cardio. If I did the skin-fold caliper calculations correctly my body fat percentage is at 14%. The next month should be good since I'll be starting a stricter diet for my macros and more weighted exercises.

The diet and exercise I have prior to working with a personal trainer is 50% carbs, 20% fat, 30% protein.  I've been able to keep things fairly close. I'm also at a 25% calorie reduction (as calculated by Scoobys Calorie Counter), I'm trying to make sure I get enough food day to day. Five days a week I've been doing 45 minutes of cardio (with a 150-155 heart rate), 40 push ups, two sets of Scooby's Rotisseries, and then twice a week I do 40 pull-ups. Its been good and I can feel progress, so that has been rewarding.

On December 6th I weighed 160 lbs and today January 17th I'm at 152 lbs. So over a month I've lost 8 lbs and have gained about 2.7 lbs of muscle. I'm guessing I'll need to increase my calories if I'm going to be gaining any more muscle mass. I don't have a weight in mind, just a visual goal, so I'm OK with the numbers fluctuating.

That was the number dump portion! I'll have some before and after photos at the end of my training, I don't have great lighting but hopefully the transformation is obvious!

Thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to sharing the end result!

*Update 1/18/2017* My body-fat measurement came out to 14% this morning! Some progress!

Here is a picture to show 2010 compared to today :)

Friday, September 30, 2016

#Thornwatch Poem

Hope is lost
my village burning
my ribs broken
I've ran to the wood
quickly, a knot tied around the birch
collapsing, tears and blood my offering
I pray the demons do not rise

~ Moses Allooh 9/30/2016

Tuesday, August 9, 2016


I've been thinking about this and modifying the phrasing for a couple months. I think I'm happy with it now.


There are moments when a friendship, connection, or energy, draws me in and I want to keep and nurture it
and let it grow. Most times this feeling is fallacious.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Mixxx 2.0

So I told everyone how much I liked my DJ software back in 2014, they have made a major update to 2.0 (as of December 2015) and it looks great!

I really wish they had some sort of push notification when they updated their software :( I've subscribed to their development blog to hopefully keep on-top of new updates.

Few things that catch my eye to start :)

More Decks!

Count and time with your Crates

More extensive sound options for your playing pleasure.

When you change your program to full screen, it actually scales the program rather than leaving black space around the sides like the last version.

The sound quality of the preview has vastly improved!

Friday, July 1, 2016

Life n stuff

So I've managed to live a few more months!

Some updates in no particular order:
I'm back on the losing weight train. This time I'm looking at body fat % and trying to get to the magical 7% for abdominal showing action.

Realistically I should be able to make it to 10% or so, which will most likely not show much, but I'm hoping it looking good.

Work has a program going called Vitality. It is a health tracking program that I can save 45$ a paycheck of the cost of my me
dical plan for jumping through some hoops, and giving more medical information then I would normally feel comfortable with. I can get gift cards for screwing around with it. I also grabbed a fitbit HR which helps me track my heart rate and gives me points for more gift card points. My internet searching skills helped my snag it for 50% of the retail price! I also like having it as a mostly comfortable watch.

I'm buying a house, or more specifically I'm signing the final paperwork and handing over money on the 11th :o

I'm getting a duplex in Cleveland. My partner  Nancy  had been searching for homes for over 6 months, and after seeing a bunch of rough homes and having properties bought while she was sending an offer she decided to stop searching. I have been looking to move out of my current residence but thought that searching for a duplex to purchase would be a good financial decision. I looked online and found a few properties to view. I was able to use Nancy's current realtor which was rather convenient for me!

There were a few places I saw that I could not get out of fast enough! And there was one property I put an offer on, but another buyer purchased it with cash :( it was rather disappointing.

Then after I found an apartment to move into and signed a year contract ... I found this place! The sellers did a lot of nice work on it and it had just been on the market for two days. So I put in an offer and then had to find a way to get out of my apartment contract. I was happy that the Landlord was nice enough to return my first month rent and only keep the deposit. They had found another person to occupy the place pretty quickly.

With that out of the way it left me waiting to find out if my offer would go through and all of the loan paperwork. It has been a stressful month of paperwork, phone calls, inspections, and figuring out how much money I'm going to be throwing into the purchase. I'm very happy the journey is almost done!

The tentative date for me to move into the place is the 12th of July. I hope everything stays on track!

Another development. I sent my laptop to Cyberpower to fix a heat issue, and the post office damaged it :( 
I'm rather baffled at how they did it, but I got insurance and paid the extra 10$ by labeling it fragile. No damn good came out of it yet. Another week of no response and I'm going to be rather pissed.

I've been waiting on a status update from both Cyberpower and the post office. Currently its been three days since I've heard from Cyberpower and I'm trying to confirm they took the damaged laptop to the post office to move the insurance claim along.

This has been a terrible experience and I just want a laptop again :/ I can't DJ and it's going to make working away from home challenging, I want to go places!

One other update, I've become a co-admin for a Cleveland polyamory group on Facebook. I'm not sure how it will go but I intend on scheduling a coffee/tee chat meet up in the coming weeks. I don't know the schematics of it all but I intend on copying some of the open-source info from Poly-Columbus!

Thank you for reading :)