Calmer Than You

So I first approached this post as, how do I find calm? As I thought through it and picked through my brain it morphed more into personal truths. With that said, here is where I'm at currently in my life! If there are any items you would like me to expand on leave a comment! I could turn just about any of these items into a post on its own, but I have been working on this for a few weeks now and wanted to get it out there.

Everything is bullshit.

Everything? Yes. The why may become clear after reading through my other personal truths.

Facts are only facts until new data proves otherwise.

A lot of what people state as facts are personal antidotes or personal experiences that are applied to a all future experiences. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, it is how we navigate the world, how we learn, and how we stay alive. But I accept that I don't know everything and that there is more to learn. As far as I know, science is based on the scientific method. At times a new discovery shakes the very core of what is known and unknown. Keep this in mind when arguing a fact, dig into the research, look for bias, find perspective. Be open to new or conflicting ideas. That isn't too say reject everything, don't be a dick.

You don't matter, none of this matters.

Who can really see and process "the big picture"? We can't all step into The Total Perspective Vortex and grasp the full gravity of the universe without having our brains melt. I don't see my actions or ideas shaking the known universe or altering the future as it stands. I guess you could take it as a way to be humble? I don't try to place myself in the universe, I like to believe that my life has value, at least to myself and to those around me who care for me.

No-one deserves anything.

We can earn things, we can inherit, make opportunities, pay for things, but nothing is deserved. When we feel obligated and pressured to give our time, attention, love, energy, or any part of ourselves I find that it feels bad and it isn't something I want to do or entertain. Why would I put that pressure on anyone else? So I don't.

Age alone does not make someone an "adult".

For most of my life I've seen adults as another entity, another organism that demanded respect. As I've grown, my body and my mind has shifted, adapted, absorbed information. Now I see people I've grown with in the same lifestyle and mentality that they had in high-school or college. Never moving from that stage of life. I've also seen others grow into brilliance. Being older does not demand respect, it should be earned. Getting older does not make anyone wiser, stronger, or anything other than older. Growth takes time yes, it also takes energy, focus, and effort. We can learn from experience or ignore it and stagnate. I prefer to learn.

People lack perspective and empathy.

Ever get frustrated because someone seems to be acting irrationally given a situation? 

Ever feel like someone doesn't get what it feels like to ___? 

Wouldn't it be nice if they had more perspective? 

Wouldn't it be great if I had more perspective? 

Lets focus now on things we can influence.
How can I gain perspective? 

What other angle can I see this situation from? 

It doesn't mean that I'll make sense of the situation, or that the other view-point is more correct or even rational! Not narrating myself as the victim helps me to deal with the decisions of others without getting as frustrated. Hard times, bad experiences, happy experiences, strange life moments, all are opportunities to gain experience, moments we can develop empathy to share with others. To experience part of a similar emotion. When I had my first migraine I was crying in darkness thinking about how bad it felt and how, at the end of it, I would have a tool to help empathize with others who told me they were experiencing a migraine. The experience will not be the same, but I felt my own pain and loss of function to possibly better assist others.

Everyone is the hero of their own life story.

Everyone has a story about their lives where all of their actions are justifiable. While to others may see the decisions as detached from reality, logically flawed, morally questionable, or outright destructive the hero in this story may only be able to grasp their perspective and experience, completely ignorant or blind to how their actions affect the lives around them. I take this into account when trying to parse the actions of others. While this doesn't ultimately justify or make every action "correct" it provides me with some perspective. I can then choose how I react and how I interact with them in the future. If someone is always pulling out the extraordinary self-justifying story, I'll distance myself best I can.

Everyone should see a therapist.

We see doctors for our physical health and are encouraged to do so regularly. We encourage others to see family doctors, dentists, gynecologists, eye doctors, allergy specialists, and a long list of medical professionals to keep our body running. But what about our minds? What about mental health and well-being? This has been a way for me to get a reality check and to get a professional view as to what level of crazy I'm at. It has been a great reset or re-balance of perspective and has helped to pull me out of some dark defeated experiences. I encourage others to seek therapy and actively speak against those who bash or talk down the idea of mental health.

Lets talk options.

I'm a big fan of options. Knowing what my options are or thinking what other options I can come up with. These may be terrible ideas and options I would not choose, but a brainstorming session helps me to generate more ideas and options that may be more favorable. I get frustrated when I hear "this is the ONLY way", I see it more as "this is the only option I'm willing to consider". This turns a conversation into a battle and stunts ideas and exploration.

Your feelings are valid.

While feelings don't make a lot of sense a lot of the time you can't control them, acknowledge them, I can feel whatever I'm feeling without bashing my emotions and things I can't necessarily control.

You can't choose how you feel, you can choose how you act on those feelings.

I don't know about you, but I can't turn my feelings off. Am I feeling depressed and can't identify a source? Well alright, that is fine I can feel that. That doesn't mean I beat myself up and decide to change what I feel. No, I feel it, accept it, then move forward when I am able to. I covered more of this concept in my last post about The Happiness Trap. If you haven't read it or the post, check it out! If you think your feelings control you, this may help shift that.

Be comfortable with silence.

While we can't experience total silence (breath, heartbeat, wind, birds, trees) I push myself into moments of silence and sit with it. Not having every moment filled with music, conversation, and noise is maddening at first. But I have come to appreciate breaks in conversation, moments of mostly quiet, enjoying the breath and heartbeat of others. My mind may still race, but I don't feel anxiety when I can't find words to fill the space.

That's all I have so far! Thanks for sticking with me to the end there! A lot bouncing around my brain all the time here. It is challenging trying to identify how I can best translate my feelings into words. I'm not exactly sure why this makes me calm, but I'm happy to have had the experiences that got me to this state of mind.